7 posts from May 2008

And Rocky said unto me: "It's not how hard you can hit, it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."

Thank you, Rocky.

Show us something striped.

Cozy Toez

Show us your gorgeous eyes.
Submitted by [Susan].

1 comment

Monday...

• Cried and downloaded the new NIN album.
• Listened obsessively.
• Picked up my camera after a long, long hiatus.
• Took photos of Bean at the park.
• Every single one turned out beautiful.
  

• Took Bean and her friend to see MCR where she got to be plastered to the barricade directly in front of Gerard.
• Nearly cried 4 times thinking about how happy she must be up there.
• Watched the singer of Taking Back Sunday have stage sex with my baby girl.
  
• Went to Tony Luke's after the show.
  
• Got a Provolone With.
• Didn't eat it.
• Home.
• Bed.

• Got my tickets to see NIN at both the Philly and East Rutherford shows.
• Screamed "BOTH SHOWS!!" over and over again all day long.
• Ate my Provolone With some time during the screaming.

• Tried to convince Vic and Dee to buy me a ticket to see NIN in Baltimore so I can scream "THREE SHOWS!!"
• Reminded them that it would be the most perfect 30th birthday gift in the world.

• Cried a lot of the day for no particular reason.
• I don't mind those days.
• Asked Dee what she wanted for Mother's Day.
• "Slippers... and a white lilac bush."
• Frustrated, I repeated "Slippers and a bush!" 9,000 times.
• Went to bed and fell to sleep by 10:30.

• Slept a record breaking 12 hours.
• Got ready, went to the mall.
• Went into every damn store looking for slippers.
• Finally found them after two hours.
• Bought her two pairs.
• A practical pair and a cozy pair.
  
• Went with Bean to buy nail polish.
• Got myself pink glitter and black glitter.
• Bean got every color of the rainbow nail polishes and two headbands.
• Spent less than $35.00 at the mall.
• Left mall, met Vic, headed to newly found Value City.
• Decided to eat first at Chickie's and Pete's.
• I got the baby lobsters.
• Went to scary mall with Value City.
• Bought RED FLANNEL PANTS (!!!!) because Dee threw out my old ones.
• Went into Debs.
• Bought myself a shirt and shorts and Bean a $5.00 green plaid skirt.
• Men were working in Debs and it scared me.
• Like... gangster looking kind of men.
  
• Home.
• Image Googled "bush" (remember... "slippers and a bush"??) while Bean wrapped up the slippers.
• OMFG!
• Brilliance happens.
• Printed out a photo and popped it in an old frame.
• Marveled at how clever I am.
• Painted nails pink and black.
• Bed.

• DIDN'T sleep 12 hours.
• Played Animal Crossing while in bed.
• Got up.
• Yelled at Dee that it's Mother's Day Present Time.
• She reached in the bag and pulled out one pair of slippers (the cozy ones).
• Loved them.
• She reached back in the bag an pulled out the other pair of slippers (the practical ones).
• Loved them.
• She reached in the bag one last time and pulled out... an 8 x 10 framed photo of... George W. Bush.
• She looked confused.
• I simply said... "slippers... and a bush".
• Laughter ensued because I got her exactly what she wanted.
• Went to dinner at one of my favorite places, The Pop Shop.
• I wore my RED FLANNEL PANTS (!!!) out to dinner.
  
• I got the Lawnside and the Toll House Pie for dessert.
• It was fantastic.
• I ordered an Eldridge to bring home to eat the next day.
• Home.
• Watched the Flyers lose.
• Chilled.
• Bed.

• Woke up at 7AM to a happy, smiling hamster who was wide awake.
• Snuggled her.
• Worked.

• Blogging.
• It's ugly and raining and cold outside.
• Still wearing my RED FLANNEL PANTS (!!!)
  

• Will eat my Eldridge while catching up with Tivo.
• Will get ready.
• Will go see Disturbed tonight at the House of Blues.
• Seriously considering wearing my RED FLANNEL PANTS (!!!) to the show.
  

Lights in the Sky

Nine Inch Nails

Deb wanted to know my interpretation of the song and how it affects me. That isn't really an easy thing for me to answer. The answer requires I look inward and possibly sound crazy to those reading... but I'm going to go for it anyway.

First, there is a bit of a back story. Being a teenager in the mid 90's was not an easy thing for me, as I'm sure it wasn't easy for anyone else. I related to no one even though I had plenty of friends and was plenty social. Still, no one shared the same thoughts, feelings, ideas. The first time I heard NIN it felt like home. It felt like I belonged to that music. Every drum, keyboard and blip echoed in my core. It's a difficult thing to explain unless it has happened to you. None of my friends were into the music (they still aren't) and all thought I listened to complete shit.

Since then, NIN has been my security blanket of sorts. Through everything, all the changes, all the good and bad, many albums, parenthood, loss of loved ones... that music is constant for me. When depression hits, every single time, you'll find me frantically listening to every NIN song trying to "find the noise" in my head. And always... always... it's there and it helps ease the pain.

Now comes the crazy...

So that song, for me, feels like a promise. Not just a promise from Trent but also from myself. "I am here right beside you" is a reminder for me that through craziness and physical pain that I will never ever ever be alone. I don't want to say that I feel like he's singing to me, but his words fill up the little hole in my heart just the same. Also, he will always be there for me, this man who has no idea I exist, because his music lives in me.

There is also the obvious that I have loved people in the same way the song speaks so when I listen to it my feelings shift back and forth from remembering people I've loved, who loved me, to being comforted and feeling safe. All of that brings on a wave of emotions and so tears always come.

So, I suppose that's what the song means to me. But I can use that same interpretation on many of his songs. They all affect me on some deep level.

One last thing, let me assure everyone I'm not some obsessive stalker girl with a shrine. I appreciate his existence and all he doesn't know he's done for me but I don't pray to the Almighty Reznor.

Friday

• Woke up at 7:00 am.
• Worked.
• Made 50 cents on Moola.
• Got pretty.
• Went to see Mindless Self Indulgence.
• Random-act-of-kindness guy #1 gave me his laminated pass on his way out.
• The string to it was soaked with sweat.
• Creepy old dude took a picture of me and Bean.
• Random-act-of-kindness guy #2 gave me his autographed ticket stub because he noticed I couldn't get to the band with all the craziness surrounding them.
• Headed to Tony Luke's for a "Provolone With" and cheese fries.
• Arrived home @ 1:30 am.
• Too tired to eat my Provolone With and just nibbled the fries.
• Slept in makeup.

Saturday

• Woke up.
• Ate half of my Provolone With.
• Best god damn cheese steak I ever had in my life!
• Played Harvest Moon that came from Gamefly.
• It kinda sucks.
• Decided to clean the house.
• Told kid to take out the trash.
• Put my brush back in my bedroom before I forgot about it.
• Returned to the kitchen to see that it was mysteriously clean.
• I have a very good kid.
• Finally washed my face.
• Bean decided to make dinner.
• Pasta.
• Ate.
• Chilled.
• More Harvest Moon.
• It still kinda sucked.
• Got ready for bed.
• Glanced at Pixi's cage.
• MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! SHE BIT A HOLE IN IT!!!
• Panic ensued.
• Bean rigged her cage for the evening in a way to block the hole.
• Bean slept in my room, worried about Pixi pulling a Houdini.
• More Harvest Moon while I'm in bed.
• It won't stop kinda sucking.
• Fell asleep around 3:00 am.

Sunday

• Woke up.
• Pixi didn't escape.
• Ate breakfast.
• Got pretty.
• Headed to Petco for a new cage.
• "Awww"d at every single rodent there.
• Saw happy, smiling fishies.
• Contemplated getting another hamster.
• Picked out a new cage and toys.
• Headed to Staples.
• Bean freaked at the sight of green binders.
• I looked at desks and monitors and various geekery.
• Came home.
• Bean put Pixi's new, bigger cage together.
• Hamster entered cage.
• She fucking HATES it.
• We tried ALL day to make it better for her.
• Took a break from obsessing over the hamster's happiness.
• Ate the other half of my Provolone With.
• Even two days later, it's still the best damn cheese steak I ever had.
• Returned to hamster obsessing.
• Pixi made sad faces at me.
• Finally, at midnight, she was happy enough with her cage to stop looking pathetic.
• Decided not to get another hamster.
• Slept.

Monday ( @ 9:30 am )

• Woke up at 7:00 am.
• Worked.
• Checked my bank account.
• Realized I don't have enough in there to pay for my NIN tickets on Wednesday.
• Didn't worry too much.
• Won three games of Ro-Sham-Bo Fu.
• Opened Vox between games.
• Saw this post.
• Went "WTF??"
• Visted nin.com.
• Cried with happiness.
• Downloaded.
• Listened.
• Cried more.
• Blogged.