Lights In The Sky: from my eyes...

Lights in the Sky

Nine Inch Nails

Deb wanted to know my interpretation of the song and how it affects me. That isn't really an easy thing for me to answer. The answer requires I look inward and possibly sound crazy to those reading... but I'm going to go for it anyway.

First, there is a bit of a back story. Being a teenager in the mid 90's was not an easy thing for me, as I'm sure it wasn't easy for anyone else. I related to no one even though I had plenty of friends and was plenty social. Still, no one shared the same thoughts, feelings, ideas. The first time I heard NIN it felt like home. It felt like I belonged to that music. Every drum, keyboard and blip echoed in my core. It's a difficult thing to explain unless it has happened to you. None of my friends were into the music (they still aren't) and all thought I listened to complete shit.

Since then, NIN has been my security blanket of sorts. Through everything, all the changes, all the good and bad, many albums, parenthood, loss of loved ones... that music is constant for me. When depression hits, every single time, you'll find me frantically listening to every NIN song trying to "find the noise" in my head. And always... always... it's there and it helps ease the pain.

Now comes the crazy...

So that song, for me, feels like a promise. Not just a promise from Trent but also from myself. "I am here right beside you" is a reminder for me that through craziness and physical pain that I will never ever ever be alone. I don't want to say that I feel like he's singing to me, but his words fill up the little hole in my heart just the same. Also, he will always be there for me, this man who has no idea I exist, because his music lives in me.

There is also the obvious that I have loved people in the same way the song speaks so when I listen to it my feelings shift back and forth from remembering people I've loved, who loved me, to being comforted and feeling safe. All of that brings on a wave of emotions and so tears always come.

So, I suppose that's what the song means to me. But I can use that same interpretation on many of his songs. They all affect me on some deep level.

One last thing, let me assure everyone I'm not some obsessive stalker girl with a shrine. I appreciate his existence and all he doesn't know he's done for me but I don't pray to the Almighty Reznor.