halo.vox.com

Monday...

• Cried and downloaded the new NIN album.
• Listened obsessively.
• Picked up my camera after a long, long hiatus.
• Took photos of Bean at the park.
• Every single one turned out beautiful.
  

• Took Bean and her friend to see MCR where she got to be plastered to the barricade directly in front of Gerard.
• Nearly cried 4 times thinking about how happy she must be up there.
• Watched the singer of Taking Back Sunday have stage sex with my baby girl.
  
• Went to Tony Luke's after the show.
  
• Got a Provolone With.
• Didn't eat it.
• Home.
• Bed.

• Got my tickets to see NIN at both the Philly and East Rutherford shows.
• Screamed "BOTH SHOWS!!" over and over again all day long.
• Ate my Provolone With some time during the screaming.

• Tried to convince Vic and Dee to buy me a ticket to see NIN in Baltimore so I can scream "THREE SHOWS!!"
• Reminded them that it would be the most perfect 30th birthday gift in the world.

• Cried a lot of the day for no particular reason.
• I don't mind those days.
• Asked Dee what she wanted for Mother's Day.
• "Slippers... and a white lilac bush."
• Frustrated, I repeated "Slippers and a bush!" 9,000 times.
• Went to bed and fell to sleep by 10:30.

• Slept a record breaking 12 hours.
• Got ready, went to the mall.
• Went into every damn store looking for slippers.
• Finally found them after two hours.
• Bought her two pairs.
• A practical pair and a cozy pair.
  
• Went with Bean to buy nail polish.
• Got myself pink glitter and black glitter.
• Bean got every color of the rainbow nail polishes and two headbands.
• Spent less than $35.00 at the mall.
• Left mall, met Vic, headed to newly found Value City.
• Decided to eat first at Chickie's and Pete's.
• I got the baby lobsters.
• Went to scary mall with Value City.
• Bought RED FLANNEL PANTS (!!!!) because Dee threw out my old ones.
• Went into Debs.
• Bought myself a shirt and shorts and Bean a $5.00 green plaid skirt.
• Men were working in Debs and it scared me.
• Like... gangster looking kind of men.
  
• Home.
• Image Googled "bush" (remember... "slippers and a bush"??) while Bean wrapped up the slippers.
• OMFG!
• Brilliance happens.
• Printed out a photo and popped it in an old frame.
• Marveled at how clever I am.
• Painted nails pink and black.
• Bed.

• DIDN'T sleep 12 hours.
• Played Animal Crossing while in bed.
• Got up.
• Yelled at Dee that it's Mother's Day Present Time.
• She reached in the bag and pulled out one pair of slippers (the cozy ones).
• Loved them.
• She reached back in the bag an pulled out the other pair of slippers (the practical ones).
• Loved them.
• She reached in the bag one last time and pulled out... an 8 x 10 framed photo of... George W. Bush.
• She looked confused.
• I simply said... "slippers... and a bush".
• Laughter ensued because I got her exactly what she wanted.
• Went to dinner at one of my favorite places, The Pop Shop.
• I wore my RED FLANNEL PANTS (!!!) out to dinner.
  
• I got the Lawnside and the Toll House Pie for dessert.
• It was fantastic.
• I ordered an Eldridge to bring home to eat the next day.
• Home.
• Watched the Flyers lose.
• Chilled.
• Bed.

• Woke up at 7AM to a happy, smiling hamster who was wide awake.
• Snuggled her.
• Worked.

• Blogging.
• It's ugly and raining and cold outside.
• Still wearing my RED FLANNEL PANTS (!!!)
  

• Will eat my Eldridge while catching up with Tivo.
• Will get ready.
• Will go see Disturbed tonight at the House of Blues.
• Seriously considering wearing my RED FLANNEL PANTS (!!!) to the show.
  

Lights in the Sky

Nine Inch Nails

Deb wanted to know my interpretation of the song and how it affects me. That isn't really an easy thing for me to answer. The answer requires I look inward and possibly sound crazy to those reading... but I'm going to go for it anyway.

First, there is a bit of a back story. Being a teenager in the mid 90's was not an easy thing for me, as I'm sure it wasn't easy for anyone else. I related to no one even though I had plenty of friends and was plenty social. Still, no one shared the same thoughts, feelings, ideas. The first time I heard NIN it felt like home. It felt like I belonged to that music. Every drum, keyboard and blip echoed in my core. It's a difficult thing to explain unless it has happened to you. None of my friends were into the music (they still aren't) and all thought I listened to complete shit.

Since then, NIN has been my security blanket of sorts. Through everything, all the changes, all the good and bad, many albums, parenthood, loss of loved ones... that music is constant for me. When depression hits, every single time, you'll find me frantically listening to every NIN song trying to "find the noise" in my head. And always... always... it's there and it helps ease the pain.

Now comes the crazy...

So that song, for me, feels like a promise. Not just a promise from Trent but also from myself. "I am here right beside you" is a reminder for me that through craziness and physical pain that I will never ever ever be alone. I don't want to say that I feel like he's singing to me, but his words fill up the little hole in my heart just the same. Also, he will always be there for me, this man who has no idea I exist, because his music lives in me.

There is also the obvious that I have loved people in the same way the song speaks so when I listen to it my feelings shift back and forth from remembering people I've loved, who loved me, to being comforted and feeling safe. All of that brings on a wave of emotions and so tears always come.

So, I suppose that's what the song means to me. But I can use that same interpretation on many of his songs. They all affect me on some deep level.

One last thing, let me assure everyone I'm not some obsessive stalker girl with a shrine. I appreciate his existence and all he doesn't know he's done for me but I don't pray to the Almighty Reznor.

Friday

• Woke up at 7:00 am.
• Worked.
• Made 50 cents on Moola.
• Got pretty.
• Went to see Mindless Self Indulgence.
• Random-act-of-kindness guy #1 gave me his laminated pass on his way out.
• The string to it was soaked with sweat.
• Creepy old dude took a picture of me and Bean.
• Random-act-of-kindness guy #2 gave me his autographed ticket stub because he noticed I couldn't get to the band with all the craziness surrounding them.
• Headed to Tony Luke's for a "Provolone With" and cheese fries.
• Arrived home @ 1:30 am.
• Too tired to eat my Provolone With and just nibbled the fries.
• Slept in makeup.

Saturday

• Woke up.
• Ate half of my Provolone With.
• Best god damn cheese steak I ever had in my life!
• Played Harvest Moon that came from Gamefly.
• It kinda sucks.
• Decided to clean the house.
• Told kid to take out the trash.
• Put my brush back in my bedroom before I forgot about it.
• Returned to the kitchen to see that it was mysteriously clean.
• I have a very good kid.
• Finally washed my face.
• Bean decided to make dinner.
• Pasta.
• Ate.
• Chilled.
• More Harvest Moon.
• It still kinda sucked.
• Got ready for bed.
• Glanced at Pixi's cage.
• MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! SHE BIT A HOLE IN IT!!!
• Panic ensued.
• Bean rigged her cage for the evening in a way to block the hole.
• Bean slept in my room, worried about Pixi pulling a Houdini.
• More Harvest Moon while I'm in bed.
• It won't stop kinda sucking.
• Fell asleep around 3:00 am.

Sunday

• Woke up.
• Pixi didn't escape.
• Ate breakfast.
• Got pretty.
• Headed to Petco for a new cage.
• "Awww"d at every single rodent there.
• Saw happy, smiling fishies.
• Contemplated getting another hamster.
• Picked out a new cage and toys.
• Headed to Staples.
• Bean freaked at the sight of green binders.
• I looked at desks and monitors and various geekery.
• Came home.
• Bean put Pixi's new, bigger cage together.
• Hamster entered cage.
• She fucking HATES it.
• We tried ALL day to make it better for her.
• Took a break from obsessing over the hamster's happiness.
• Ate the other half of my Provolone With.
• Even two days later, it's still the best damn cheese steak I ever had.
• Returned to hamster obsessing.
• Pixi made sad faces at me.
• Finally, at midnight, she was happy enough with her cage to stop looking pathetic.
• Decided not to get another hamster.
• Slept.

Monday ( @ 9:30 am )

• Woke up at 7:00 am.
• Worked.
• Checked my bank account.
• Realized I don't have enough in there to pay for my NIN tickets on Wednesday.
• Didn't worry too much.
• Won three games of Ro-Sham-Bo Fu.
• Opened Vox between games.
• Saw this post.
• Went "WTF??"
• Visted nin.com.
• Cried with happiness.
• Downloaded.
• Listened.
• Cried more.
• Blogged.

Most of my gaming experience comes from Atari and Super Nintendo. I like the bouncy games. Mario and such. Cute pixelated goodness and isn't "cute" against some sort of gamer code of honor?

And despite my nickname online, I have never once, ever, played the game Halo. I'm not even sure what the game is about. I think guns are involved. I know it isn't bouncy. Boys like it. Um... yeah.

Ro-Sham-Bo Fu

But every once in a while I get on a game kick and I like to share the fun. The new game is... Rock, Paper, Scissors or... Ro-Sham-Bo Fu . I am like a god damned ninja at this game. Really! I rarely lose and now people won't play with me because of how awesome I am.

The best part is that I get paid to play the game. Every time I win, I get some change... real change. Sure, pennies don't sound like much but if you rule like me, soon you're cashing out at $20.00. Yeah, yeah. Don't believe me? Try it. You'll like it!

And if Ro-Sham-Bo Fu isn't your thing, there's also Hi-Lo and Gold Rush, though I'm not very good at either one of those. They both take some sort of actual skill, which I don't have.

All three games are offered by a place called Moola (such a cute name) which is still in Beta mode. It's an invite only place but I have 99 invites left! All you have to do is clicky-do and you'll automatically use up one of my invites. Just pop in your email and you're in! And then you can play with me! Because games just aren't as fun when no one you know plays with you.

So join, play, make moooooola!

Have a super happy Hump Day!!

This weekend went as follows:

Friday...

• Frozenbarbie.com broke.
• Teenagers went to a movie.
• Teenagers slept on the couch.

• Teenagers woke up.
• Breakfast.
• Pixi tried pancakes.
• Loved them.
• It's hot outside.
• "Let's go to the park!" says me.
• Drinks, toys, and entertainment is packed.
• Dandelion puff picking happens on the way.
• Teenagers attempt to kill each other with puffs.
• See a pink tree.
• Teenagers climb pink tree.
• Photos are taken.
• Teenagers decorate me in pink flowers from the pink tree.
• Get settled under pink tree.
• Teenagers lay together, drawing and giggling at Dane Cook.
• I silently meditate and enjoy every ounce of my surroundings.
• Teenagers get bored and roll down hills.
• Teenagers see a squirrel.
• Teenagers want to play on the swings.
• Teenagers notice a used rubber on the way to the swings.
• Teenagers swing and play Tic Tac Toe.
• I leave teenagers to go concur my fear of one certain area of the park.
• As I get closer to said area, I have a panic attack.
• I turn around and rejoin teenagers.
• Mission failed.
• Teenagers and I return to the pink tree.
• More drawing, giggling and meditating happens.
• One teenager (Bean) does cartwheels in the sun while the other looks at her like she's fruity.
• Teenagers pack up and we head home.
• On the way home, we look for Stalker Truck.
• Mission failed.
• Once home, we all eat bacteria infested food and love it.
• Teenagers play Guitar Hero.
• One teenager goes home.
• The other stays.
• She lives here.
• I realize just how much I love those girls.

• Wake up.
• "Wanna go to Value City?" says Dee.
• Get ready, get in van, on the way.
• Get to Value City after a 45 minute drive.
• Value City is closed.
• Like, out of business kind of closed.
• "Wanna eat?" says Vic.
• Drive another 30 minutes.
• Get lost.
• Find place.
• They're closed.
• Drive another 45 minutes.
• Get lost.
• Find place.
• Get out of van.
• "Fuck, it's cold." says Bean and me.
• Get back in van.
• Eat the best fucking food ever while in van.
• Ordered more food for later.
• Went home.
• Gave Pixi some pie.

• Frozenbarbie.com is still broken.
• Ordered tickets to see Harry and the Potters.
• Redirected Frozenbarbie.com to the Vox group.
• Ate leftover awesome food.
• Watched Tivo.
• Realized I haven't been this happy in three years.

There are lots of things that bring happiness into my life. Andrew, Pixi, Bean, candy, Pee Wee Herman, Muppets, Animal Crossing, furry creatures and... Neil Cicierega. He gained much of his popularity when he started posting videos of his Potter Puppet Pals, which I adore, but that isn't the only reason I adore him.

See, Neil is much younger than me but he still reminds me of when I was 5 years old. He has this... Pinwheel quality to him and I love it. Let us not forget that he's incredibly adorable too.

Blinkee, originally uploaded by Halo.

We have baby bunnies living in our front lawn. They were almost hacked up by the lawn mower so they had to be moved.

What was the last great epiphany you had?
Submitted by Ross.

That I really, really, REALLY dislike chat rooms. People just don't seem to get my humor and assume far too much about me. I suppose I come off as abrasive in type when that is the furthest thing from my intentions. When I actually am being abrasive and mean, people think it's sarcasm and funny.

*sigh*

Oh well.

Chat rooms. Hate them.

Pixi had her first ever adventure outside in the grass yesterday. She smiled. She ate clovers. She walked all kinds of funny. She had fun.

I realized I probably worry about this little creature too much. She's a little over six months old and still looks too small to me. If she sleeps too much I worry that she's sick. I worry that she doesn't eat enough. I feel her belly constantly for lumps of any kind. I'm always checking her butt to make sure it's clean and dry.

Then yesterday I watched her and Bean play outside in the sun together and realized I have nothing to worry about. She's the happiest and most loved (and most spoiled) hamster I've ever seen. I appreciate the little creature.